my whole world
by aznjtgirl
Summary: Because I will never try to deny that he was my whole world." oneshot, angsty onesided sasusaku. CoF series


So a friend of mine broke up with her boyfriend a few months ago and she was recently feeling that horrible loneliness that comes with the aftermath of a break up. I myself felt it recently, so she was talking to me since she knew i understood (in fact, our ex-boyfriends are bffs). We were talking and after, this was one of her statuses on facebook:

"and I will never try to deny that you were my whole life."

it struck a chord in me, and this is what I came up with. enjoy (yes, more angst. lots and lots of angst). dedicated to sonia :)

disclaimer: don't own naruto or the characters.

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Naruto and Sakura sat at the bar together. He quickly downed the cup of sake, knowing that he would be going through quite a large amount because of the tolerance the kyuubi gave him. There was no way he could as plastered as he wanted, though, since his wife was still waiting for him at home.

'_What are you doing now?_' Naruto wondered. He glanced at Sakura who was swirling the contents of her drink slowly. Her green eyes were glassy as the alcohol began to take over.

"Do you think he's…"

"No," Naruto said. "I'm sure he's out there somewhere."

They continued to drink in silence. The bartender thought it odd, but knew better than to question the Hokage. The entire village knew what today was and understood why he was spending it with his chief advisor instead of his wife. The looks on both their faces told the man that they needed something stronger for what they wanted, so he poured straight vodka into shot glasses.

"On the house," he grunted and set the glasses and the vodka bottle in front of them. Naruto nodded his thanks, too pensive to really think about it.

Sakura stared at the alcohol in her glass, feeling the loneliness overwhelm her. Sure she was with Naruto at the moment, but he was married with a child on the way. It had been so long since _he_ had left. She hadn't gotten with anyone else, just random one night stands from civilians at bars. Half of the people her age were with someone; Naruto with Hinata (their fifth anniversary was coming up), Neji with that _woman_ (this was an exception actually, since it wasn't by choice), Lee with Tenten (this hadn't _really_ happened, but they _had_ moved in together after…well…), Shikamaru with Temari (their wedding would be sometime soon if she remembered correctly), Kiba with Ino (this was only because he had been there for her when she'd needed it, Sakura didn't expect it to last)….But where was she? All alone, completely and utterly single.

"How's hinata?" she asked quietly. The loneliness almost burned a hole in her heart, but she pushed it aside for now. She knew that she shouldn't be so bitter, knowing that it was her fault for choosing such a person to love.

"Good. The last trimester started a few weeks ago," he said shortly in reply. He wasn't being curt to be rude, she knew. She didn't really feel like talking either; it was a weird night for both of them.

"That's good. I'm sure Moegi's doing a good job in checking up on her," she said. Moegi had decided to follow Sakura into the medical field. She was currently dating Konohamaru, with Udon drifting behind as the third wheel as usual.

Team 7....they had been so close, or so she'd thought. Her alcohol-addled mind swirled with thoughts of _him_, of the person next to her and of her old teacher. Pictures and scenes raced through her mind, flashes of bright silver hair, burning blue eyes and of scratched forehead protectors. She hid a grimace, not wanting Naruto to ask her what she was thinking.

But Naruto was too busy with his own thoughts to ask Sakura about hers. His chest hurt slightly as he wondered where his old teammate was. Today was the day he'd left, so many years ago. He and Sakura went out to the bars every year since they'd become legal to drink. Before he'd gotten married, both of them would proceed to get absolutely smashed and go home with other people. Now, however, he was someone's husband and would soon be a father. He knew she was lonely, but there was nothing he could do about it.

'_Why did you leave us?_' he wondered. '_Did we do something to deserve it? Did the Gods decide that we needed to suffer, especially her? Do you _know_ what you did to her?_'

"Naruto," she said sharply and abruptly.

He jerked, startled out of his thoughts. "What is it?"

"I…nothing," she said, suddenly quiet again.

Naruto stared at her. She had grown quieter and quieter as the years had passed. She was still a brilliant medic, as always, and her beauty was unrivaled. Even Ino had grudgingly admitted that Sakura was beautiful. Yet, she never said yes to anyone who asked her out. He knew she was lonely, but…it was _him_, Naruto suspected.

'_What are you doing now, Sasuke?_' Sakura looked at her upturned hands. '_Where are you? Why didn't you…take me with you?_'

"Sakura," Naruto said quietly, a thought occurring to him.

"What is it?" she asked. She turned to look at him with her glassy green eyes. The alcohol wasn't effecting her enough yet, as she could still see him clearly. She reached for the vodka shot and downed it.

"Would you really have left with him if he'd let you come?"

Sakura wondered if Naruto had developed a jutsu like Ino's clan that enabled him to read minds. She herself had wondered the same thing; if he had said to come, would she have gone with him? She decided that yes, she probably would have. A naïve little girl, she was.

"I…maybe," she said. "It was so many years ago, I…"

"You can tell me the truth. I'm not the hokage right now, just your teammate," he said quietly. He looked at her with serious blue eyes, wanting a straight answer from her. She wanted to lie, but she couldn't when she saw the intensity burning in the stormy eyes.

"Yes….yes I would," she said quietly. In that instant, the loneliness seemed to come back with a vengeance, now that she'd admitted it to someone else. It was almost like a wave of nausea and she fought to keep the feeling at bay. She could feel the pain in her heart; it made her whole body want to curl in as her chest throbbed.

"Why?"

"Because…because I'm never going to deny that he was my whole life," she whispered brokenly.

Naruto fell silent as they turned back to their drinks, not knowing what to say. He hadn't heard that broken tone used in years, not even the last time they had met like this. She acted as if her life was falling apart at the seams with no hopes of being stitched back together. It was painful to see her in such a state.

And as he picked up a vodka shot and tossed it back, he couldn't help but think that fate was ruthlessly and utterly cruel.

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and there you have it! i have trouble writing the happy stuff =/ hopefully my next piece will be outside this series and will be HAPPY but no guarantees. sorry those who wanted a happy one . read and review please.


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